Finding Freedom Series Part 1: Talents

PART 1: DISCOVERING AND INVESTING OUR TALENTS

PART 2: FINDING FREEDOM WITH INTENTIONAL TIME MANAGEMENT

PART 3: FINDING FREEDOM IN OUR TREASURES

HOW TO SET GOALS THAT ALIGN WITH GOD’S PURPOSE FOR OUR LIVES, AND ACTUALLY ACHIEVE THEM

Realizing our Expectations

A quick note from Trevor to emphasize the importance of managing expectations: A wise mentor named Matt provided me some life-changing advice before Natalie and I got engaged. Matt said “Marriage is about expectations and communication. And communicating your expectations.” While this advice may sound simple, effectively implementing his advice has been extremely challenging. His advice comes to mind in moments of impatience and frustration. Frustration is a result of cognitive dissonance –- reality not matching up with our expectations. When you notice yourself getting frustrated, stop and ask yourself these simple questions:

1. “What expectation is making me frustrated?” Often, there is an underlying expectation you weren’t even aware of. If you weren’t aware, how can others know your expectations (without reading your mind)?
2. “Have I effectively communicated my expectation in a way that others can meet it?” Others generally aren’t intentionally trying to break your expectations.

99.99% (100% if I’m being honest) of the time, the fault falls back me for poor understanding of expectations an communication! …so how do we bounce back when we fail? 

1. Take ownership, apologize, and fix the current miscommunication.
2. Pray help understanding your expectations and better communication skills. 
3. Help others improve their expectation management process.

Realizing our Talents

Our Marriage Goal-Setting/Accountability Process

Let’s dig even deeper. We may be great at communicating the “business talks” of marriage — who is going to go to the grocery store this week, who is going to to take the dog to the vet, who will pick up the kids from school, but what about when it comes to communicating the deeper topics, like our mission, values, goals and expectations for life and marriage?

We each have talents, time, and treasures that God has entrusted us to steward and use to serve others. If we never talk about these unique gifts and talents, how can we encourage and grow these talents?

Starting in January 2019, we implemented a simple process for mission/goal setting and accountability that has drastically improved our marriage through proactive expectation management and communication. Our process works for people at any stage of life/relationships, but requires an accountability partner to meet with on a regular basis. What started out as 2019 New Year’s Resolutions in a notebook over dinner has evolved into a visual representation of our priorities in all areas of our lives. Our Freedom Board has allowed us maximize growth of our individual and collective talents, and unify our efforts.

How to Start a Freedom Board:

Here is our current Freedom Board to get your creative juices flowing:

We recommend to use chalk or dry erase – something that is not permanent as life is dynamic and we want our Freedom Board to be adaptable.

1. Mission Statement: Our “WHY“. Who do we want to become? How are we specifically called to serve? What talents are we looking to refine? Stephen Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, also has a great section on how to develop a personal mission statement.
2. Themes: Our “HOW”. How does living your mission statement look in this specific period of life? We focus our themes on where God is calling us to grow. Examples: family, career, grace, accountability, financial unity, exploration. Consider using the Fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23.
3. Focus Areas: Our “WHAT”. We currently use spiritual, social, mental, physical, stewardship). We like to have a tagline for each focus area. Example: Physical focus area our tagline is “Be healthy, energetic, and usefully fit.” Ask: where do you see yourself in each focus area in 10, 5, and 1 years? Develop SMART goals that tie in with your tag line. We should be able to confidently say whether we completed the task. Example: “Go to the gym more,” We would be tempted to rationalize that we achieved this unclear goal. “Go to the gym 5x/ week,” is much more objective and accountable. Having goals that occur on a repeatable basis will help us in Part 2 of the series with prioritizing our time. Goals should occur on a measurable interval (think: daily, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly). Example: “Go to the gym 5x/ week” is a more specific than “Go to the gym more”
4. DISPLAY YOUR FREEDOM BOARD IN A PLACE WHERE YOU SEE IT EACH DAY. We like to have our board in our bathroom and review the board in the morning/evening while brushing our teeth. As a consideration, you can put it somewhere that the whole family will see it and naturally hold one another accountable.
5. Focus on the lead measure rather than the lag measure. Example: “Go to the gym 5x/ week” and “Follow my daily nutrition plan” are the lead measures for the lag measure “lose 10 lbs”. Focus efforts on the process/lead measure, and the lag measure will come with time.
6. Start small! You will make better progress being 100% consistent going to the gym 1 day/week than to go to the gym 5 days/week for 2 hours and burning out after 2 weeks. Disclaimer: this approach takes PATIENCE but will build and pay dividends exponentially!

Below is the progression of our Freedom Board from January 2019 to present – this has been a growth process! (Obviously, Natalie handles the design and artsy aspects of our Freedom Board)

Accountability: Weekly “Freedom Session”

Prioritize regular “freedom session” with your accountability partner are critical to make real progress. Be prepared that these meetings may be difficult and emotional at first but get easier with time, just like going to the gym. Expect to go through the “Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing” stages of team development. Here are some tips for getting the most out of this time:

1. Put your phones away and eliminate distractions!
2. Before starting your meeting, pray for humility, love, and grace. 
3. Accountability meeting should take about 30 minutes to an hour a week. We normally do this on Sunday as we prepare for the upcoming week. You can also hold this meeting over a meal, while on a walk, on a bike ride, etc. Make it work for you! We turned our first meeting into a date night and discussed over a pizza to make the tough conversations a little more lighthearted.
4. Discuss all portions of your Freedom Board and ask “Where did we find success this week, and why?” “Where did we fall short this week, and why?” and “How can we increase odds of success in a particular area next week?” Dig deeper into why you didn’t follow through in certain areas, and recommit to your goal in the coming week.
5. Don’t be afraid to change your goal board to help you be more successful. If you find that a goal you set is becoming too overwhelming or burdensome, break it down into a smaller piece or scale back a bit! That is why we used dry erase or chalk.
6. “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9. Celebrate and praise God for His faithfulness when you find success on a particular goal! It is important to recognize each other’s efforts and progress instead of focusing on the negatives only. This will also help to create more internal motivation to persevere in the future!

Review & Reset PERIODICALLY

Every 6 months, 12 months, or at major life transitions (move, new baby, new job, etc.), review and reset your board for the coming season. Some great questions to get you started:

1. “Is our mission statement still applicable, or have our priorities shifted?”
2. “What are the themes & focus areas for this coming season of life?”
3. “In the previous year, what are the accomplishments that were the most meaningful?”
4. “Do we need to recommit to any goals where there is more opportunity to grow?”
5. “How can we increase our odds of success next time?”
6. “How can we grow and challenge ourselves more in the upcoming year?”

Since implementing this system in January of 2019, our goal-making and accountability sessions have become part of our normal routine and we look forward to sharing our successes and failures. We can identify potential problems in our relationship early-on when they can be easily addressed. Proactive expectation management and communication has grown both of us immensely in our talents and spiritual gifts. We now can focus our efforts on the most important aspects of our lives. Ultimately, we seek each day to glorify God through our talents, as God has called us.

Thanks for reading! Connect with us. We will catch you next week for Part 2: FINDING FREEDOM WITH INTENTIONAL TIME MANAGEMENT.