We all know that feeling of being run down, tired, exhausted from trying to keep up with life. Days pass by and we grow more and more impatient, anger on edge, ready to boil over like water in a pot. Why God? Why have You placed us on this earth for such a short time when all we do is run around on the hamster wheel?
The other day, Trevor and I went on a bike ride in the late afternoon after a weekend full of hiking and camping and I was exhausted. We had a tough conversation about some goals that I have had difficulty achieving and progressing on since the start of the year. I struggled continually with confidence in my discipline to keep pursuing my goals. Trevor, being the realistic and practical soul that he is, was encouraging me and trying to help me make a plan of smaller steps I could take during the upcoming week to stay on track.
I tend to be the emotional one in the relationship (shocking- I know), and my emotions got the best of me. I was frustrated with myself for not being disciplined enough, frustrated with Trevor for not giving-in to the sympathy I wanted, frustrated that my emotions always seem to dictate my self-worth, and frustrated that achieving my goal wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.
In my heart, I knew that I was idolizing this goal and all of the things surrounding it. I knew I hadn’t prayed about it enough or asked God for his guidance. I was being self-reliant, thinking that I could control things myself and achieve things myself. Just as I was feeling regretful for making this goal to begin with, Trevor spoke the words I had dreaded to hear in my own head and confirmed the feelings of my heart. He told me I was idolizing my control over my goal.
I looked down at the road and peddled on with tears streaming. The gnats were swarming my face in the heat of the setting sun. I felt so ashamed, so disappointed in myself, and so sorry to hear the words I was denying in my own heart spoken aloud. I was ultimately sorry that I had betrayed God and overwhelmed by the ease at which I succumbed to the enemy.
After another swarm of gnats went by, I looked up to shoo them away and there was God right in front of my face. I looked up to see the golden sun glowing over the hillside, shading the mountains in the distance a navy blue and illuminating the grass all around me. The field next to the trail was radiating hues of green and the wild flowers were bright as could be. It was a God wink. He was there in the warmth of the sun, in the waves of the grass on the hill. He was there in the delicate sway of the daffodils and dandelions and He was there in the light breeze that blew past. I had an immediate sense of relief and comfort.
God was there with me. He was telling me, “It’s okay, child. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself. I forgive you, but you need to hand your troubles over to me to overcome this sin of idolatry in your life.” I wanted to hand everything over to Him. I suddenly felt lighter, like I wasn’t holding onto my control as tightly. He knew that Trevor speaking those words was exactly what I needed to hear to submit my will to God.
It’s amazing how God works. He works in such mysterious ways that we will never understand, but He ultimately knows what’s best for us. He gives us free will, but He is always with us, ready to help us when we submit to Him. He tells us to come to Him for rest from our weary hearts, yet time and time again, we are white knuckling our control over our own lives and our own plans.
Are you struggling with idolizing earthly things in your life? Are you trying to control your travel plans during a pandemic, feeling frustrated that it’s all been canceled? Are you idolizing your finances, worrying about where your money will come from if you get furloughed? Are you getting a little too excited about what snacks you are going to munch on while you are binging a Netflix series? Are you exhausted from trying to keep up with things in this life because it’s what society tells you that you should value?
If any of these things are true; if your emotions prevent you from giving up earthly pleasures, then maybe you are struggling with idolatry too. It’s so easy to get caught up in this need for control without even knowing, but once the darkness comes and the gnats swarm in, we realize our priorities have been misaligned for a while now. God wants us to come back to Him, for the darkness is just temporary. He is waiting to light our path.
Father, you call us home to You. We know that we can put all of our earthly burdens on You and that we will find rest and peace in Your arms. Give us clarity on the things that may be blocking the road between us and You. Teach us to listen for Your voice and seek Your Will in our lives daily. Help us to surrender our idols and control in this world. Give us trust in Your “Everlasting Light” and the hope in eternity that You provide for those who are faithful to You. I love You, Father. Your Will be done in my life today.
Check out the song below, “Everlasting Light” by Mosaic MSC, for encouragement throughout your week. My hope is that you will find success in your goals with God’s help and guidance. Give your control to Him. Thanks for reading!
